Barbarian hordes - listen up!  I am your Boot Camp Meister, here to teach you some German whether you are a beginner, someone who fell off the 'learn-a-language' bandwagon at school, or if you just want to get by with a little S & M (Sense & Meaning) to better appreciate Rammstein's lyrics.  Just because Mark Twain, sporting an intense dislike of German, said: 

 "My philosophical studies have satisfied me that a gifted person ought to learn English (barring spelling and pronouncing) in thirty hours, French in thirty days and German in thirty years,"

we are not going to shy away from difficult grammar, but I will explain in a way that you will either understand, or will run off crying back to your easy-peasy French, Spanish or Bristolian dialect classes.  In these regular Language Meister blogs I will unlock some secrets of German so that anyone under pensionable age can utter a few syllables and impress their friends with their new-found command of English grammar (I never said it was going to be easy, but you will certainly know more about sentence construct.)  First lesson:  say 'Mein Freund bezahlt' (mine froynd bet-zallt), which means 'my friend's paying', and this will buy you any beer in any German Gasthaus (gasst-howse), literally Guest House (or pub) if you go in with your best mate who speaks not a word of Twain's despised Teutonic tongue.